Unlikely Protectors.

I am one of the ‘newbies’. I am not new at all, I have been around in this system since we were 10. I can pin point the trauma I was made to take. I remember it fully. 

I control myself, my emotions, and my actions very well. Everything I do is neat. My writing, my speaking, my way of presenting myself to the world. I do not appear to have emotions, though I do. They may not always be strong and noticeable, but they’re there. 

I especially have emotions for my partner. He is a gentle giant, and I could never hurt him. I would never hurt him- nor would I let anyone hurt him. He is my soul. The thing that keeps me grounded to this world and myself. 

When I came back into this system in mid to late 2016, I was surprised to learn that we were a system. That this wasn’t all just pretend. I wasn’t an imaginary friend in Kenny’s head. I am a real being, and I can have some say in my life. 

I came back with my angel in tow. We hid for many days, him not talking- and me being too detached to try and connect with anyone. Kenny eventually pulled me in, and I found that fronting comes as naturally to me as eating or breathing. 

I was getting to spend time with my love. But something was different. First, he doesn’t speak. He barely makes any sounds. He at first seemed distant, but has warmed up to me.

The other night, whatever has been on his mind came to a head. Try as I might I couldn’t think of what to do. This was not his usual MO. I remember Kenny doing this, and at one time Adam, but never him. I’ve never been more scared.

Thankfully, after our weekly meeting (something I’m sure someone will make a post about), I was able to speak with Kenny and Roo about what I should be doing. They had Elijah help fix him up, and the three of them started talking.

After many minutes of talking, with out my love listening, I come to find out that I am his protector, not the other way round. This surprised everyone who knows. My love is a big man, tall and muscular. I am average height and thin. 

Protectors in this system don’t really fit into the stereotypical ‘protector’ box. They are more caretakers, but we feel that the word protector describes the role better. I guess I fit this role. 

I am scared to find what this may mean for me and my love. I hope I can be there for him emotionally and be able to help him any way I can.
the cat and the shark

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Unlikely Protectors.

  1. Hi Cat and Shark, I think passion is what is necessary for protection. Not necessarily size. It sounds like you have the passion, commitment, and love it takes to be a badass protector for your love.
    One question; why would someone post about your weekly meetings inside? It sounds like you’re waiting for an attack but your comment seems reasonable to me. I’m afraid of that too, being attacked on here. So far no one has told me we are doing DID wrong. But I think if they did I would say we do it our way, move along. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree about being afraid of people saying we’re doing DID wrong. I’m so new to the idea of having DID (others in this system are not) that I feel like I don’t know how to post about it. I think some one wants to post about our weekly meetings just to document what’s going on and maybe give someone some communication tips I guess? I’m not sure.

      If someone did say I was doing something wrong I would go into doubt for a little while. But I would react much the same way you said. 🙂 – Cat

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s