Hard week.

I apologize for no post in so long this week I didn’t have any time to write anything! I was so busy. 

My little sister was on vacation, which is normally a wonderful time. We get to go places and she’s always fun to hang out with. Something was seriously off with her this week, and my mom and I suspect it may be related to her early puberty. To say the least she was very combative all week, which is not like her at all. 

She was just having a hard time all week, and it’s hard to see her go though that when I’m going though my own stuff.

Speaking of my own stuff, my mind has been a battlefield of avoiding flashbacks. I had one last night that lasted until I fell asleep, though I suspect it was brought on by my mother and her new boyfriend having some ‘alone time’ in her room. I can never be sure if that was what was actually happening or not, or if I was just hallucinating. 

Elijah, bless his soul, tried to comfort me as best he could. Though this is also triggering for him. Our sister was at her fathers, and this is usually when we would get time to relax, but Elijah has been tense lately since I’ve been remembering things very frequently. 

Shark I think is remembering things has well, though I’m not sure. He has been having some trouble with self harming in head world. I also worry about other ‘newbies’ remembering things, since none of them know their pasts yet (not that any of the rest of us do either). 

I missed having our community meeting on Tuesday, and it happened instead on Wednesday. We saw our therapist on Wednesday too, which is not our normal day. It worked out because we were able to remember what we had talked about. 

In head world, the rec center specifically, we have a white board of coping skills. We all came up with what to put on it, and also wrote it down in a note on our phone just so we have something to remember what’s on it since head world is sometimes not so clear. 

We also came up with the idea to have little clubs to try and get us to hang out with each other more, and to promote communication between all parts. We have one that is taking care of the animals, one that does Pokémon stuff, and one that does sign language for our mute alters. So far it’s working out pretty well, though it’s still in the planing stages. 

We had been meaning to give our therapist a list of all alters and we finally compiled it last night. 57 of us all together, though with the wisps (see below) that’s not a full count. 30 animals, and 27 people. It’s very interesting to see. 

The wisps, I should talk about these. We don’t know what they are exactly, we’ve called them memories in therapy but I don’t think that fits 100%. They float around outside of the camp area (in what is our true/old head world). Some are somewhat mean, and will try and attack, but we’ve managed to give the few who want it a form so that they can get attention and love. We have it now so that nearly every alter has a wisp bonded to them. They may be real alters or they may be fragments, but once they take a form and interact with an alter for a while, they start to get more solid in what they are. 

For example, the dogs Buddy and Pal. Now, Pal is has been around for much longer. She started out as a formed German Shepard puppy back in June of last year. She has since grown to be an adult dog. When she started out, she didn’t really have a presence, but she quickly developed into what we consider a fully fledged alter. She can co-front, and she is basically Zacks full time protector (though Squall is his human protector). ((By the way, Zack wanted me to include a picture he and Cloud drew of Pal. It will be at the end of this post)) 

Buddy is the same way, though he is much newer of an alter. He quickly became a full fledge alter, and was one of the first dogs to front. (Squall in his dog form was the first alter to front while a dog though). He has more of a presence than some of the human alters, and is very much a protector. He also seemed to speed up this process for Lilly, and Honey. I’m hoping he can somehow work his magic to help the rest of the wisp animals find themselves and be comfortable as parts of this system. 

I don’t know if that makes any sense, and I’m a little afraid to post this now. 

Anyway, that’s all I can say for now. Have a nice weekend!


Art by Zack and Cloud. Photo at the top by Roo.


5 thoughts on “Hard week.

  1. Hey Kenny, Roo, Zack, Cloud, and all. I’m glad to see your post. I thought about posting something on a previous post of yours to ask how you were. I’m sorry your having a rough week. I love Pal! I’m glad to hear your protectors growing. We have cats. Cats, cats, and more cats. And all kinds of other animals. Birds, a couple dogs, a buffalo, monkeys, protector wolves, a dolphin and a squirrel!! Its nice to have the protection and comfort the animals bring. Love the pic with the flowers too. ttyl. lora

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry about your hard week. I hope it gets better asap. I’ve had a hard start in 2017 and I’m having a hard time shaking it off.
    I’m trying to understand what the rest of the post is about though I get the gist. Like when you mentioned “alter”… are these dogs considered service dogs? Like they’re specifically there for coping and all?
    Anyways, thanks for the follow.
    ❤ BP

    Liked by 1 person

      • Wow! I’ve never encountered anyone with DID in my many years as a Psych RN. That’s great being optimistic. Keep it up! I’m trying to be, too. I’m somehow trying to shake off some gray clouds that’s been hovering over my head since the start of the year.

        Liked by 1 person

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