My Memories

Trigger warning: CSA, Incest, Abuse

I’m new to this blog, and I’m new to this fronting thing. Hah, I’m Lolly. I’m trying to figure out myself but I’m remembering like everything right now. It’s awful! But I like fronting, it’s kind of great. I like fronting with my long time partner Ox (I call him Kuzu though hah). He doesn’t talk, but you can totally read his body language. 

Sorry I’ll stop swooning haha. 

I’m trying to avoid getting to this. It’s painful, but I’m numb to it mostly but kind of not. Hah. 

I remembered a really specific time I was raped by ‘father’. Two times kind of, but in the same place and they could have happened at the same time. I don’t think so…

I remember this as much as I remember the one we were going to have him arrested/going to court for. It’s intense! Woah.

It was brought on by mother talking about this time when father basically kidnaped us and drove us to Missouri to go to some stupid tourist attraction. The more I think about it the more I remember whoops ahah. 

We were camping, and there was a pool. We were swimming on the other side of the pool from him, probably avoiding him because he might have been grooming us. But he called us over and we swam over and sat in his lap. 

I figure you know what happens next right? 

The other one I remember is same place and in the hot tub/pool. There was a hose and he called me over and did stuff to me with it. 

Sick ficker. 

I didn’t want to go into the tent with him that night, probably because of that. On that same trip I peed in his car seats and he freaked out and hit me in a rest area. He was over protective of his car. 

Okay I’m done with this aaaaaah. 



2 thoughts on “My Memories

  1. Hey Lolly. Good to see you writing. Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I’m glad you have your love to stand beside you. -Lora


  2. Hi Lolly – very brave of you to share your story here…thank you for letting us in a little. I am so sorry the father did those horrible things to you – you certainly did not do anything bad or wrong and did not deserve that. I hope you come back more it is good to meet you.


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