We’ve been really tired lately. It might be depression, or it might be something to do with our iron levels (probably both honestly). We try not to nap, but sometimes it just happens. Sunday we napped for a while, Kenny was fronting and had already had nightmares the night before.
Kenny must have slipped into one of the kiddo’s dreams. It was traumatic, to say the least. This must have also been the reason why this particular kiddo has also had a problem sleeping. I’m not going to describe it, I feel like it would not only bring the blog down but it would also be unnecessarily re-traumatizing for this kiddo.
I should describe this kiddo a little bit.
His name is Chance, we found him in front of the main door to the terrarium back when we lived there. He cannot walk, and the one time he accidentally fronted we couldn’t move our legs until Zack managed to take front back. He’s around four years old, maybe a little younger depending on the situation. He is bonded to Adam mostly but is also bonded to myself (Roo) and Joji. He has a great personality, very sweet. He loves dinosaurs (like most of the kiddos seem to right now).
When we figured out it was him who had the dream, Kenny and I checked up on him. I’ve kept a close eye on him since then (I’m writing this on Monday night). He slept in bed with me, Adam, and Joji last night per his request.
I was able to talk to our therapist today (or well listen in while Lolly talked) and I’d like to share the advice she gave us. Most of it is stuff we have already done with him (and the other kiddos).
She said to offer him more care and be gentle with him. He’s been trying to be closer to whoever is fronting since I’ve been fronting it’s been nice to hang out with him. Our T talks about giving ‘loving eyes’ which is where we make eye contact (usually in headworld) with the kiddo (or another adult) in question and try to push loving thoughts into the front of our mind.
We do this with the babies a lot, just because we think their trauma is more based on neglect. It seems to work well, we usually do this while giving them a bottle since that’s like double care.
In general, we really try to push the care and love onto one another. We have always gotten our love and affection from one another which I guess is a depressing concept in general.
Honestly, I can’t think of any ‘family’ in this system that doesn’t really enjoy spending time with their kiddos. I know that while they were coming around it was pretty stressful, but now that they have all settled it’s quite great to have them.
Working through their trauma will be hard. My therapist and I both agree that we don’t want to push it too quickly, my therapist is even weary of having us adults do trauma work right now. I want more time with the kiddos before we work on anything. I want to enjoy them and get to know them.
All of the kids are friendly with each other (so far) and all are loved by every one of us main guys.
I knew that it was a possibility that they hold trauma, I just didn’t think it would be that severe.