Daily Journal and Therapy

Sora and Roo haven’t fronted yet today, and I don’t want them to feel like they have to just to talk about our day. Besides, I fronted for a long bit of it, and I did therapy today which is what would have been talked about anyway.

So no question, I want to save them for Sora since he’s the one they’re mostly there for.

Therapy today was rough. Our therapist listened to me talk about the nonsense that had happened during the last week, but I think she had caught on to my reluctance to try and do any real memory/emdr work. I’ve (speaking has the entire system now) have been really super nervous about it. We’ve already had stuff coming up, and our mom is so into herself that we know it would be a hard day when we started it.

Has I started running out of things to say (15 minutes into our session) she asked if she could suggest something. She basically went into telling me (just me, Lolly, now). I said sure because I’m pretty open. She started telling me about how the EMDR would work and saying she thinks it would be a good time to start working on some of it. She said we’d only do it in super small chunks. I was okay with that but my mind kind of blanked on what my trauma had been.

Kenny could tell you all day long what his was, so couldn’t Adam. Roo could probably dig something up with ease. Cloud could too, but Cloud and I kind of blur so I was thinking that the trauma I was remembering what just what I had overheard from Cloud.

But the memory and feelings and everything were enough that I felt like I could work on that trauma.

She had me tell her a visual, the feeling, and a phrase I associated it with. She said if I didn’t have all that it was fine, but I did. She had me hold onto one of those things in my mind and I watched her fingers go from left to right really quickly for a couple of seconds. We did that three more times and it helped!

She also helped me put that memory into a little space where I wouldn’t bring it up until our next session. We did some more eye movements and then my session was over.

I thought it worked out really well. I’m still super nervous about doing it, but I think now is the right time.

Thats it for today all.

Thanks!

~ Lolly

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