Edit: this was supposed to be posted sometime this past week, but it never was. I guess that week was a down week, but this week should be a bit better! – Adam
Last night something new and strange happened to me. I was laying in my room, watching a nice calm youtube video and getting ready to go to sleep. I got up to do my nightly routine and I felt anxiety start to boil in my chest. My throat was tight, my heart was pounding, I was sweating and shaking.
But I didn’t feel anxious mentally.
My body was having a panic attack without me knowing why or what was causing the panic. It was such a strange sensation, to have your body be so full of fear but to have no idea why.
I did my nightly routine, climbed into bed and took an anti-anxiety PRN, and I went in search to see who in my system was anxious. No one was fessing up to it, none of the adults anyway. I went into my kid’s room to say goodnight and I found the source.
Sunny was in such a bad place, over what I still don’t know. I can only hypothesize it had something to do with sleeping. I grabbed him out of his room and walked into the living room where my partners were. I sat in a rocking chair/glider type of thing, Elijah came over and put a blanket over the two of us and I started to try and calm him down.
After a minute, Sharkie came out carrying Matty and the guys too them and we all slept in the living room like we were having a sleepover. Elijah came up with the great idea to build a pillow fort but wanted to wait until we could all (or most of us) sleep in it.
Adam has had to do this a few times with Chance, though Jonah will either stay in bed or stay around Roo. Chance and Adam are very close, and Chance depends on Adam a lot.
Sunny was close to me when he first came around, but after that I went on a ‘no fronting’ kick because fronting and I don’t get along. I’ve been out off and on for the last two days, and I’m thinking of letting Adam take back over.
My therapist gave me some advice with what she does with her in real life children, she said it might not work for us but to try it if we remember. Last night we didn’t remember so we didn’t try it but I’ll pass it onto you all as well in the hopes of maybe helping someone else.
She does this with her kids when they have nightmares. With her older kids age 4+ she will say something along the lines of “When I get to 50, you should feel better” then she taps either side of their body (say the right hand and left hand) one at a time and counts to 50. She says it’s supposed to make the nightmare feel better, but not go away completely. If they’re younger than 4 she’ll say that at the end of a rhyme or lullaby that they’ll feel better and then do the tapping.
I don’t know if this works or not, but most the stuff my therapist suggests works so I try and pass it on.
In the end though, maybe having sleepovers will be something we’ll have to do. A lot of the kiddos like to be held, and a lot of them feel scared all the time. Usually, Zack and Sharkie can help bring them to an adults attention, but it shouldn’t be all on them.
If we come up with anything that works super well and isn’t something obvious, then we’ll write about it here. I just wanted to make a post about how odd it was to have a panic attack while also not having one.