EMDR and Aftercare

As we’ve been doing EMDR at most every session with our therapist now, I’d like to talk a little bit about aftercare and care during the session. It’s important to remember to take care of yourself and your system.

While doing EMDR, you should internally be close to someone you are comfortable with. We usually do it with our protectors, so I (Cloud) did my session today with Squall. Kiddos should be tucked in and taken care of away from you unless they are the ones doing the EMDR then they should be rallied behind and kept comfortable with someone co-fronting.

Make sure you’re therapist and you have it out in the open that you can take a break if needed. Don’t try to push yourself with this, take your time. You can always look away, or drop the buzzies if you’re using those. You are in control while doing this.

Afterwards, you may get very sleepy or really energized. I’ve had both reactions. You may dissociate completely or you may feel too hyper aware. Be sure to leave time to sit and breathe with your therapist and collect yourself.

Once home, taking it easy on yourself is best. Try not to have any big appointments or other hard stuff going on if you’re doing EMDR in a session. Take the chance to do something relaxing, like taking a bath or reading a nice book. Switching to a part who is less traumatized can also be good to get through the day.

I always find it nice to hold a system meeting either at night or the next day to try and collect everyone and make sure you’re all doing okay.

Always check in with you’re system before, during, and after EMDR. Working together on healing is great, but you don’t want to be re-traumatizing anyone either.

~ Cloud


Keeping records

We're trying to keep records of stuff that goes on in the system. It's been hard because we rarely write stuff down but putting effort into it has given some nice results. We carry a journal along with us. It's really three of them all in one folder thing, one for just general stuff- stuff that isn't necessarily system related but is still nice to remember.

Another is for the kids to have. The kids have been co-fronting a ton and it's great having them around but some don't talk (even big kids) and there's always a need to doodle or color. They can do anything in it, it's just for the kids.

The last is for system stuff. We made a pocket for therapy sticky notes, a page for anxiety coping skills, a wish list, a page for copies of papers we bring to our therapist and one for old system conversations/notes. The book we had them in got water soaked, but the few notes we had survived and are now in their own pocket.

The rest of the last journal will be for system conversations and anything else important like med start dates or memories that come up.

Along side having that note book we carry a pouch/large pencil case that has tons of sticker, gel pens, two pencils, and a multi-colored pen and a note book we keep the points system in.

It's really nice to have this because we can make it look nice and it gives us something to do with our hands that's relaxing and crafty.

It's also something we'll all collectively enjoy which is always nice!

– Kenny

Alpacas and Swimming Cows.

(The kids wanted us to post something about the Alpacas we saw the other day, so I’m letting them write something and posting the two pictures. We also got some video of swimming cows and it fits this post well- Kenny)

HIYA! Im ZACK and Im with CHANCE whos one of my best pals besides SHARKIE and SUNNY. CHANCE was the one who saw the Alpacas when he went shopping with ADAM who is his DAD kind of like how SQUALL is MY DAD! JOJI was with CHANCE and ADAM but he left before they saw any cool animals. 

IM writnging this because CHANCE cant feel his legs and dont like to front and cause mom and sister are still up we cant have CHANCE even try. HE’s my friend though so he trusts me!!

THEY had a alpaca rescue at this old stuff mall and they were all shaved because the owner liked to make fancy clothes out of their fur. CHANCE thought that the alpacas have real sweet eyes and that they are realy cute!! WE want to have aplacas and cows and goat and all kinds of animals on  a farm when we grow up and the adults want that too so it might actually happen !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

THEY all had funny names that were on a sign but we didnt get a picture of it and only got two pictutes of the alpacas. 

THIS is the video of the cows we saw swimming and that was cool because it was a hot day and Im glad they had a pond to swim in so they werent hot. They were all realy pretty and I love cows just like CLOUD!!! ITS ON LOLLYS instagam LOLLY IS my best adult friend because hes cool and he likes to listen to me a lot. HE has babies of his own though but theyre too young for me to play with because one is just 2 and one is just 1.

A video for my blog. We saw some cows swimming the other day and it was really cool!

A post shared by Lolly (@snailswings) on Jul 30, 2017 at 5:14pm PDT





Long time no post

We've been going through a really rough time lately. It seems to just be holding onto us, but changing what makes us feel it.

We had ideation for the first time and a long time, and we got close. Really way too close. Abandonment and a fight with our mom over money, raw feelings. Everything was messy. That brought out wanting to just be with each other, because only we feel like we don't abandon each other.

That brought the depression.

We felt a little bit better this past week, but our T was off or something? She seemed to ignore one thing we said that we wanted to talk about and we moved onto doing some hard core EMDR. That made us sleepy, I think we slept for 20 hours a day for three days.

We haven't been doing too well to say the least.

Things seem to be getting better, but tomorrow we're traveling to Abuse Ville so we'll see.

Also I have a question, to try and post more I was wondering if people would be super opposed if we posted some craft stuff? Mostly paper crafts but I just wanted to put the feelers out there.

– Kenny

So I haven’t fronted for a while;

Usually, when someone comes back into fronting from not doing it for a while they seem to always lose themselves somewhere in the abyss. That didn’t happen to me this time though, I came back feeling as normal as ever, though there is a lot of anxiety.

It’s been nice to just hang out and not do much, we’ve hung out with our sister all day. I miss hanging out with Squall though, so I’ll probably front long enough to do that for a long while.

He’s a mess when I don’t front. He’s the only protector who can front on their own and not be overwhelmed, but he hasn’t fronted while I haven’t been. He’s very cute when he’s excited to hang out with me.

This is just a short post, no real meaning.



DID System Members, and Panic Attacks

Edit: this was supposed to be posted sometime this past week, but it never was. I guess that week was a down week, but this week should be a bit better! – Adam
Last night something new and strange happened to me. I was laying in my room, watching a nice calm youtube video and getting ready to go to sleep. I got up to do my nightly routine and I felt anxiety start to boil in my chest. My throat was tight, my heart was pounding, I was sweating and shaking.
But I didn’t feel anxious mentally.

My body was having a panic attack without me knowing why or what was causing the panic. It was such a strange sensation, to have your body be so full of fear but to have no idea why.

I did my nightly routine, climbed into bed and took an anti-anxiety PRN, and I went in search to see who in my system was anxious. No one was fessing up to it, none of the adults anyway. I went into my kid’s room to say goodnight and I found the source.

Sunny was in such a bad place, over what I still don’t know. I can only hypothesize it had something to do with sleeping. I grabbed him out of his room and walked into the living room where my partners were. I sat in a rocking chair/glider type of thing, Elijah came over and put a blanket over the two of us and I started to try and calm him down.

After a minute, Sharkie came out carrying Matty and the guys too them and we all slept in the living room like we were having a sleepover. Elijah came up with the great idea to build a pillow fort but wanted to wait until we could all (or most of us) sleep in it.

Adam has had to do this a few times with Chance, though Jonah will either stay in bed or stay around Roo. Chance and Adam are very close, and Chance depends on Adam a lot.

Sunny was close to me when he first came around, but after that I went on a ‘no fronting’ kick because fronting and I don’t get along. I’ve been out off and on for the last two days, and I’m thinking of letting Adam take back over.

My therapist gave me some advice with what she does with her in real life children, she said it might not work for us but to try it if we remember. Last night we didn’t remember so we didn’t try it but I’ll pass it onto you all as well in the hopes of maybe helping someone else.

She does this with her kids when they have nightmares. With her older kids age 4+ she will say something along the lines of “When I get to 50, you should feel better” then she taps either side of their body (say the right hand and left hand) one at a time and counts to 50. She says it’s supposed to make the nightmare feel better, but not go away completely. If they’re younger than 4 she’ll say that at the end of a rhyme or lullaby that they’ll feel better and then do the tapping.

I don’t know if this works or not, but most the stuff my therapist suggests works so I try and pass it on.

In the end though, maybe having sleepovers will be something we’ll have to do. A lot of the kiddos like to be held, and a lot of them feel scared all the time. Usually, Zack and Sharkie can help bring them to an adults attention, but it shouldn’t be all on them.

If we come up with anything that works super well and isn’t something obvious, then we’ll write about it here. I just wanted to make a post about how odd it was to have a panic attack while also not having one.


Daily Journal and Therapy

Sora and Roo haven’t fronted yet today, and I don’t want them to feel like they have to just to talk about our day. Besides, I fronted for a long bit of it, and I did therapy today which is what would have been talked about anyway.

So no question, I want to save them for Sora since he’s the one they’re mostly there for.

Therapy today was rough. Our therapist listened to me talk about the nonsense that had happened during the last week, but I think she had caught on to my reluctance to try and do any real memory/emdr work. I’ve (speaking has the entire system now) have been really super nervous about it. We’ve already had stuff coming up, and our mom is so into herself that we know it would be a hard day when we started it.

Has I started running out of things to say (15 minutes into our session) she asked if she could suggest something. She basically went into telling me (just me, Lolly, now). I said sure because I’m pretty open. She started telling me about how the EMDR would work and saying she thinks it would be a good time to start working on some of it. She said we’d only do it in super small chunks. I was okay with that but my mind kind of blanked on what my trauma had been.

Kenny could tell you all day long what his was, so couldn’t Adam. Roo could probably dig something up with ease. Cloud could too, but Cloud and I kind of blur so I was thinking that the trauma I was remembering what just what I had overheard from Cloud.

But the memory and feelings and everything were enough that I felt like I could work on that trauma.

She had me tell her a visual, the feeling, and a phrase I associated it with. She said if I didn’t have all that it was fine, but I did. She had me hold onto one of those things in my mind and I watched her fingers go from left to right really quickly for a couple of seconds. We did that three more times and it helped!

She also helped me put that memory into a little space where I wouldn’t bring it up until our next session. We did some more eye movements and then my session was over.

I thought it worked out really well. I’m still super nervous about doing it, but I think now is the right time.

Thats it for today all.


~ Lolly

Trying Bullet Journaling

Since we’re too much of a perfectionist with things we do by hand and since we’re always looking for a way to journal on our phone that actually keeps our attention, we thought bullet journaling wouldn’t be right for us. We saw a Tumblr post (that Sora has reblogged here [ I will warn you the post is small text and image heavy] ) that showed how this person set up a bullet journal inspired way of journaling on their computer using Onenote.

We thought, hey we could do this! We only usually have our phone the computer we have access to is our mothers and we wouldn’t really want our private journals there. The main feature we needed for the journaling to work (tables) didn’t work on the IOS app. We were pretty bummed.

We thought that maybe we could use Google Docs, so we downloaded it and tried it. It works! Setting it up was a little bit of a pain, so we borrowed our mom’s computer to finish setting the template up.

Below are the screen shots of what we came up with.


BJ 1
This shows our ‘Who Fronts When’ table. It lists our main fronters, the days of the week, and then a little key for what the check marks mean. We switch a lot so that’s why we have the key there.



BJ 2
This just shows the days of the week listed out (and an example of our day). I guess this is where the bullet journal part comes in. It just lists the major parts of our day.
BJ 3
This is an example of a habit tracker. The “x” means we didn’t and the check mark means we did it. Also on this page is a blogging and internet stuff section (or the start of it) here is listed ideas.
bj 4
This shows the rest of the “blogging & internet” section where we have a table for whether or not we’ve posted. Then, this is just something I added because I thought it would be fun, a question of the week!
bj 5
Here is where we can talk to one another/the mute guys, or list some funny/sad/etc stuff that happens, thoughts, everything! 


It basically just gives us the guide we like but can’t find with any journaling app, and also gives us a “perfect” looking way to journal. We’ve added quotes and some nice pictures too, which just makes it nicer.

Of course, we can always add to it, or take away. That’s the best part, we have a guide but it’s easy to change if we need to.


After a day of using my the journal thing, I feel like it would be a good idea to share my template. It’s public, all my names and what not have been erased. I’m not 100% sure you can download it (more like 75% sure) but I know you can edit it. I think you can save a copy, so that way it becomes a document on your google docs account that way its more private but I’m not 100% on that either.

Here is the link to the template! It’s on google drive/google docs.

Feel free to tell me how it works out for you, or if it works at all.

Thanks everyone!

~ Lolly

Daily Journal With Lolly

Sora is having a rough day, and Roo is, in turn, trying to give him time off from trying to get used to having DID. Its been rough for him honestly, I don’t know why some of us have an easier time. Like when Roo came back it was hard for him too, Zack had a rough time, Kyu did fine and so haven’t I.

I don’t know man.

Today we slept until I think like 3pm? We went to sleep last night at like 10pm so its pretty crazy.

We’ve been really out of it too, its been a rough day kind of.

Sorry this is short, I have no idea what to write about…


Sora & Roo’s Daily Journal


Today was a very long day, yeah I know its only like 6 pm, and yeah I probably woke up at 11 am but we did lots of stuff. We traveled down to our “local” Target to let my sister pick something out for her birthday. We were kind of in a bad mood for the entire time, it’s hot and our mom was kind of bugging us. Usually, after we have days like this we feel really bad for being grumpy towards our mom. Guilt is a killer.

Clarence fronted for a while (while we grocery shopped). Lolly fronted earlier this morning (and last night). Adam fronted for a little while today too. Adam is seeming to have a bit of a problem

Adam is seeming to have a bit of a problem lately. We don’t know if it’s caused by the latest “new” music we’re listening too. It’s a band we’ve listened to since high school, but we found it through a fanfiction. The band has been such a big part of his personality, not necessarily the lyrics but the lead singers voice and stage presence. Their new album has some more narcissistic sounding lyrics which always bugs him, and their beats remind him of our Ex who abused Adam the most out of all of us.

Anyway, down to the question of the day for Sora and I 🙂

Whats in your bag AKA if you had a bag, what would you put in it?

Sora: I like the idea of carrying a bag. Maybe a cute printed one that is both big enough to hold lots of stuff, but small enough to be able to get stuff out of it. I would like a bag that is cloth. I would probably have lots of pens and pencils. An iPad PRO with keyboard and the fancy pen (if I had one). That or a small laptop type of thing. I would like to have my cell phone, some earbuds, a charger and charger port (wall and car). A notebook. A real book. My water bottle. Some candy or munchies. A hat and extra shirt maybe if there was room. I can imagine myself going to coffee shops and drawing. I would also like to go to public parks.

That’s what I would like in my bag if I had one.

Roo: I can list what we usually have in our bag when we carry one. Cell, earbuds, charger cord (sometimes the wall block too if we’re going far), a small notebook, our multi-color pen, a black ink pen, our wallet, a stim toy or stuffed animal, and an extra hair tie.

If I could fill my bag with whatever (and have a nice new bag to fill). I would want a nice leather one that would be on the bigger side. I’d want a camera/DSLR (if I had one), my basic things I already carry, a small laptop/tablet with a keyboard, some food, my water bottle, a sweatshirt. That’s probably it though.

Some others might want to join us in answering questions, but no promises!

I always want to say that I’m going to start posting poetry (probably) on my poetry blog roosinclairpoetry.wordpress.com so give that a follow if you haven’t and you like poetry!

Thanks all for reading!!

~ Roo & Sora