(Funny title by an unfunny man)

Our system is somewhat in chaos. Adam, Roo, and even Joji (some what) have been having identity issues. Cloud has been having a terrible memory(?) come up every time he fronts, so he and Squall have been preoccupied with that. Cloud has also been having identity issues because he’s trying to distance himself from himself… if that makes sense. 

Everyone else is a “newbie” and isn’t ready to front for long periods with out supervision. 

These are all things we can handle, we have been dealing with them since we got diagnosed (and then stopped receiving therapy). What is a new thing is the kids. 

Long story short; we have been having periods of great anxiety, then  a new child part will show up. It started after we found Matty, then Kisa, and now there’s four more (along side a new adult part). 

Jonah was the first to show up, he is attached to Roo, Adam, and Joji. He is a baby, like Matty. Next was Duncan who is about 9-10, he has been staying with Levi and Kyu and is fairly attached to them. There is two more, one who is attached to Lolly and Ox, he is also a baby but maybe a few months older than Matty and Jonah. He is currently waiting for a name to come along, Lolly calls him Shim at the moment.

Last is another young boy who’s waiting for a name. He has not been able to leave our (Ken, Ren, and I’s) side. Matty and Kisa (the two other kids we’ve adopted into our family) went though this phase as well, but I think this time Ken isn’t going to let this child be alone for too long. He is a little older, maybe 4-5. He does not speak English (or any known language) but he is not mute. He was very proud of himself today for being able to connect in some way with us (he made the noise that a dragon/dinosaurs would make when we saw a Pok√©mon Kenny gave him the exact card he was trying to imitate). 

He was fond naked, and had to be put to sleep by Rain (the colored “good” wisp, which is our version of a dragon you could say). He woke up later and we were able to get clothes on him. He took a bath today, and did sleep last night. 

We fear he may be a trauma holder of severe trauma, which may also be the trauma Cloud is remembering but maybe not. 

We have written a lot this week, and it has helped. 

Thank you,


This past week has been long and terrible. Our flashbacks have become a near constant thing that just hangs out in the back of our mind and drags us in at the worst time. Everything has been a trigger, even music we’ve worked on being able to enjoy again. 

With the advice of my mother and my therapist, I went back to my normal dose of one medication (I can’t of the other since the prescription I got is of the higher dose) this seems to have helped the awful grogginess. 

Kenny seems to be getting the worst of the flashbacks, but Ren, Roo, and Cloud have also been getting them. Us protectors have been working very hard on keeping everyone safe and stable. 

Mellow had his first time fronting while we slept. We then found out a major trigger for him. Which is good to know! 

This week hasn’t been all bad, in my mind no weeks we spend lately can be called ‘all bad’ we’ve had some really tough weeks in the past. 

It snowed something awful yesterday! If you follow my twitter you may have already seen these pictures, but this snow is crazy for march!

That last one is how high the snow was when we tried to get into our car (a Honda Civic). That actually has some snow pushed away too. We couldn’t close the door and had to shovel the snow out so we could. 

(We went out because we had to pick up some prescriptions)

The car got stuck coming back into the driveway, and I (well, Kenny) had to push it out. We’re good at pushing cars because we grew up on a junk yard pushing them. It was weird to do after so long though!

I have a question for everyone, do you ever feel like you forget how to do things (even simple ones). Your body still knows, but your brain is just really confused. We’ve been having that lately and it’s different.